


everything to lose, nothing to win.

by evangelistofstars



Category: Anastasia - Flaherty/Ahrens/McNally
Genre: Childbirth, Eloping, Fix-It of Sorts, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Implied Sexual Content, Nightmares, Post-Canon, Pregnancy, gleb is scared of being a dad, lily is the cool aunt who gives sex/relationship advice, these two have no idea what they're doing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:33:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23915377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evangelistofstars/pseuds/evangelistofstars
Summary: After all she'd gone through to find her way home, the Princess Anastasia sacrificed it all for a man she never expected she would love: Deputy Commissioner Gleb Vaganov. Barely managing to escape with their lives, they settle for a life in the country, keeping their relationship a secret. But what they don't know, is that their lives will soon be changed forever.
Relationships: Anya | Anastasia Romanov/Gleb Vaganov
Comments: 9
Kudos: 25





	1. only the beginning.

With a flash of bright white light, the image of Paris appeared.

_“If you really are the Princess Anastasia, do you think history wants you to have lived?”_

_“Yes.” Anya said, “Why don’t you?”_

_Gleb sighed, shaking his head. “The Romanovs were given everything, and gave back_

_nothing, until the Russian people rose up and destroyed them!”_

_“All but one.” Anya said, staring into Gleb’s eyes indignantly. Finish it.” She paused for a moment, her eyes still fixated on Gleb. “I am my father’s daughter.”_

_“And I am my father’s son.” Gleb said, glancing down at the gun in his hand. He didn’t_

_want to kill an innocent woman, but she left him no other choice. “Finish it I must,” he_

_said, cocking his gun. Blood spattered onto the wall in front of him._

Gleb jolted upright in bed, shaking and damp with sweat. He looked over at the once Princess, still fast asleep next to him, and let out a sigh of relief. _It had only been a nightmare. She was safe, they both were._ He slipped out of bed as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake her, and walked into the other room of the small flat they shared. As he poured a glass of water from the kitchen, Gleb tried to tell himself he needed to calm down, that everything was fine, that after everything he and Anya had been through, everything was finally okay. 

It was hard to believe it was all fine now. Anya had come to him in secret the night she and Dmitry left Paris. She’d told him she’d only pretended to run away with Dmitry, that it was all a setup to secure her life, and Gleb’s as well. She’d left the note with the Dowager informing her of her disappearance, made sure to be seen leaving Paris with Dmitry so no one would suspect her otherwise, then ran off to find Gleb instead. She’d told him that after all that had happened, he was the one she couldn’t stop thinking about. He made her feel safe for that reason. He’d been confused as to how she had changed her mind so quickly, but didn’t argue. It was just...he had spent so long half wishing that something like this would happen, that he couldn’t believe it was real. It felt like something out of a dream. He didn’t deserve her, he’d told himself, he didn’t deserve a happy ending, didn’t deserve what he wanted. But who was he to not go along with it! And so, that fateful night, the two of them had run away. They’d barely escaped with their lives.

Once safe in a small town in France, far enough from Paris that they wouldn’t be found, but close enough that Anya could go back and visit her family if needed, the comrade and princess eloped. They’d rented a small flat and settled down together, now secretly married, and for the first time in both of their lives, everything was okay. They were happy. _He was happy._ For perhaps the first time in his life. But that didn’t stop the nightmares and flashbacks from coming, and the thoughts of what would’ve happened if they hadn’t managed to escape. Would he have been forced to kill her after all? Or would he have been killed for not following orders? He could never go back to Russia, that much he knew. Not after everything he’d risked to be with her.

Gleb stared out the window, lost in thought. If he had gone back to Russia and managed to live, what would his life have been like? Would it have been worth it, to live, but to lose her? He couldn’t imagine his life without Anya in it, not after everything they’d been through. She’d become his home, his solace, his comfort, his light. He didn’t know what he’d do if he lost her.  
  
A light tapping sound stirred Gleb from his thoughts, as he turned to notice Anya standing in the doorway, wrapped in a blanket and dressing gown. “Anya?” He said, glancing at her and sighing before turning back to the window. “I didn’t mean to wake you, I’m so sorry….”

“You didn’t, I…” Anya paused. “Glebka, is everything okay?”

“Of course, darling. Everything is fine,” Gleb said, walking over to join Anya in the doorway. “Ever since we escaped together, everything’s been _perfect,_ okay?”

“Then…..How come you didn’t come back to bed?”  
  
“Got lost in thought I guess,” he sighed, as they both walked into the other room and sat on the edge of the bed. “There’s a lot to think about. Sometimes I let it get the best of me….”

Anya wanted to believe that everything was fine, but she knew that look in his eyes all too well. “Glebka, did you have the nightmare again?” She said, putting her hand on his shoulder.

Gleb nodded hesitantly, sighing.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked him.  
  


“You were sleeping, I didn’t want to wake you,” he sighed, “and had you been awake, I wouldn’t want to worry you… _I can handle these things on my own, okay?”_

“But you shouldn’t _have_ to, Glebka, I’m here for you,” Anya said, smiling, albeit sadly. “The next time you have the nightmare again, please tell me. You shouldn’t have to go through it alone.”

“Deal,” Gleb sighed. “Are you sure I didn’t wake you?”

“No, you didn’t,” Anya sighed, “I woke up because….” She trailed off, not sure if she was ready to tell him, especially if it was what she suspected, she wasn’t going to tell him until she was entirely sure of it. She shook her head. _“Let’s just say I’m dealing with a few things of my own.”_

“What sorts of things?” Gleb asked, before noticing her facial expression and sighing. “It’s fine. You don’t have to tell me. But if you ever need support in this, I’m here for you.”

And with that, they both tried to go back to sleep, entwined in each other’s arms. That night, Gleb had learned so much about Anya, and he hoped she’d learned as much about him too.


	2. a royal mess.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya breaks down and finally lets Gleb into her mind, all the while realizing what she's suspected for so long to be certain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i was meant to have this out like a week ago but i've been so busy with schoolwork and other things i haven't had a lot of time to research or write but i finally had some time to finish this chapter, which was a lot of fun and i'm proud of it! also it's a long one so buckle up fuckers!! chapter three will be out idk when, hopefully soon :)

Anya woke early that morning. Well… woke wasn’t the right way to put it. More like, she stumbled out of bed in a haze, her head still halfway in dreamland. The clock on her nightstand told her it was four thirty.  _ God, it was way too early to be up...If only she didn’t have to…No. She didn’t have time for this.  _ Regardless, seconds later, she’d wound up on the bathroom floor.

“No, no no no no  _ no! _ ” she muttered silently, struggling to her feet and trying to adjust to the way the room felt like it was spinning. Her senses blurred out of focus, and she struggled to make it towards the sink, despite having so little ground to cover. Their shared flat’s bathroom was small enough to be a closet, and the sink was less than three feet away, but right now it seemed so big, the distance so long, as if her entire journey from Russia to Paris could pale in comparison. She sighed in relief as she reached the sink, nearly slipping on the smooth tile floor, having only enough balance to steady her grip.  _ “Fuck,”  _ she swore quietly, her fingers struggling to turn on the faucet. Once she had succeeded, she took a deep breath and tried to steady herself as well as she could, but failed to this effect, instead collapsing and finding herself keeled over the toilet, spilling her meagre contents into its bowl. Four thirty….this meant she had an hour until…

Gleb always woke up habitually at five thirty. On a normal day, he has gotten out of bed, made breakfast (and tea!), gone on a run, and done at least one chore before Anya is willing to face the day. Anya, however, was never a morning person. She was perfectly capable of getting up early, provided she had a reason, back when she’d lived in Petersb- er,  _ Leningrad, _ she’d worked all manner of hellish shifts, very much able to wake up at 2:25 AM and start on what needs to be done, or four, or, _ yes, Gleb, 5:30 in the morning,  _ but she didn’t  _ like it.  _ Now that she was finally able to, she liked to take her time before being made to face the day. She had always been forced out of bed too early and now, she had no reason, so why not stay in bed until  _ seven?  _ Seven, she’d decided, was a reasonable time to get up. Unless Gleb dragged her out of bed before then, or…well, something like _ this _ happened. She sure wished she could get up at her usual seven this morning, and not at  _ fucking four thirty in the goddamn AM, what the fuck? _

Anya’s senses whirred into focus, as she found herself still on the floor of her flat’s small bathroom, mere inches from the toilet, head resting against the base of the bowl. She felt a hand press the small of her back, and shuddered, looking up to find Gleb standing over her, frowning, his dark eyes filled with concern. Anya sighed. This was exactly what she had been trying to avoid. It wasn’t of course that she didn’t trust Gleb, in fact she hated keeping secrets from him, but the last thing she wanted was to worry him, especially knowing that whenever he suspected something wasn’t well with her he got kind of….overprotective, and paranoid. Only out of love and care, of course, and she knew that, but she hated being a burden, and he needed to understand that she didn’t need his help with everything, and she wasn’t gonna put her life on hold just because Gleb heard her cough once or…. She remembered the state she was currently in, wondering how she could possibly explain this. It certainly didn’t look good…

Then she realized that if Gleb was already up, it must’ve been... _ What the fuck? No, it couldn’t be… _ She tried to make out the time on her nightstand clock. Quarter to six.  _ No...had it really… An hour?  _ Had she really been lying on the bathroom floor for _ over an hour?  _ She sighed and stared at Gleb blankly, saying nothing, just…..trying to make sense of it all. 

“Anya,” Gleb said softly, breaking the silence between them.

She didn’t answer, turning her attention from Gleb to the sink beside her. The faucet was still running, and she cursed herself for being so clumsy, and dizzy, and...well...caught up in everything that she’d forgotten to turn it off. Running water wasn’t cheap, and Anya and Gleb weren’t half as poor as she’d been when she was living in Russia, but even with the money her grandmother sent her, they couldn’t afford to keep water running for that long… She lifted herself up and struggled to turn off the faucet, swearing under her breath,  _ “Fuck…”  _ she said, trying not to notice as Gleb laughed softly and simply put his hand on the tap, shutting off the faucet with one swift, smooth movement. One of the things she loved most about Gleb was how he always seemed so... _ composed. _ She’d known him long enough to know that he was not _ quite  _ as together as he seemed (and he knew it too, though he’d never admit it), but he carried himself with such a composure that Anya could only aspire to. Ever since she’d met him, she’d wondered how a man could possibly be so together…. Anya was, well…. _ a royal mess!  _

“Thanks,” she said awkwardly, eyes darting from Gleb to the faucet and back to Gleb, who smiled softly at her, though she could still see the worry in his eyes. “And…” She looked around wondering how she could possibly explain this to him. “And I’m sorry….For everything.”

“Anya,” he said softly but emphatically, lifting her chin with his finger. “Look at me.” She met his eyes, dark and perplexingly beautiful...enigmatic and fiery, but with a softness in them she could never place; with her own, deep and blue as the ocean. He smiled at her, she couldn’t tell if it was ironic or not, but there was a pain behind the smile. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

“Are you sure?” She sighed. The sadness in his eyes and in his smile still made her feel guilty...the last thing she wanted had been to worry him, to cause him any kind of unhappiness. 

He nodded, smiling a little. “Well, clearly the situation was beyond your control, why would you have anything to be sorry for? That wouldn’t be very fair of me, eh, now would it?” He laughed lightly and extended a hand to her, smiling as she took it and helping her up off the floor. Anya stumbled slightly as she came to her feet and he held out his other hand to steady her, finally meeting her eyes once they both stood. She blushed, smiling softly, she always felt so small compared to him, the way he towered over her small figure like a looming shadow had once intimidated her, it was something she’d never expected that she’d come to love. Now standing steady, she shook her head, staring at the ground, though in a way she supposed that he was right, she  _ didn’t  _ have control over this, but still……  _ she could’ve told him, couldn’t she? _

“I know,” she sighed, “it’s not that. It’s….well...I could’ve...I should’ve….” she trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.  _ I could’ve told you ages ago, but I didn’t,  _ is what she wanted to say.

Gleb cut her off with a hand in the air. “Come on. I made breakfast, and tea.”

Anya smiled a little and followed Gleb into the kitchen, taking a seat at the table as he put a plate of eggs and French toast and a cup of hot tea in front of her. _ Gleb made French toast?  _ She  _ loved _ French toast, but never once had she seen him try to make it. She cut a piece and took a bite. It was  _ good _ , well of course it was, every time he cooked for her was  _ amazing _ …One would never had suspected that Gleb Vaganov had a passion for cooking, but Anya had come to learn that there were a whole lot of things about Gleb that one would have never suspected. 

Anya stared down at her plate, saying nothing, as Gleb came to join her at the table with his own plate of food and cup of tea. “So,” he said, cutting his French toast vertically, “Care to tell me why I entered the bathroom intending to shower and found you passed out on the floor?” Anya laughed. The way he talked while eating was just so……uniquely and unequivocally  _ him. _

Anya sighed, not sure how much she should tell him. “I wasn’t feeling well, that’s for sure,” she stared down at the table again as she sipped her tea, fingers curling around the mug delicately. 

“Obviously,” he laughed, taking a bite of his eggs. “Has anything like this happened before? Recently, I mean, you know since…Since Paris. Since we’ve been together.”

Anya nodded. “The part about me not feeling well? Yeah, that’s been happening a lot as of late, and it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve spewed my contents into that toilet, but I haven’t passed out before, at least I don’t think, and certainly not for that long…” She refused to meet his eyes, but she could still sense the worry in them. “I’m sorry, Gleb, I should’ve told you, I….” she stopped. 

Gleb reached out his hand across the table, placing her small hand inside it. She looked at their hands and sighed deeply before finally facing his eyes. “It’s okay.” He said softly. “I mean, I do wish you’d told me but….I understand. You didn’t want me getting involved, and I get that.”

“That’s not it,” she sighed, “I….I didn’t want to be a burden.”

“Anya, look at me. You’re never a burden.” The look in his eyes was overwhelmingly soft, in a way that Anya had ever seen. “Not to me anyway. You could never be a burden, not when keeping you safe, and healthy and happy is the most important thing in the world to me.”

It took all of her self control to not simply melt right there, but she continued to listen to him. “Now I really do think we should get you checked out, and it worries me that this has been going on for a while and you haven’t told me, but…..You’re not and could never be a burden.” He gave her hand a squeeze before returning to his breakfast. “How long has this been happening for?”

She sighed, shaking her head and trying to remember when this all had started, and trying to remember the last time she’d had a period. It had to have been months ago...back in Russia, she’d been so malnourished, she’d go months without a period and wouldn’t bat an eye, but now, things were different, she and Gleb weren’t rich, but she had enough to eat, though she could hardly keep it down with all her vomiting several times a day _ ….It all matched up, didn’t it?  _

“Couple months now, I’m pretty sure.” she said, taking a sip of her tea.

Gleb nodded in a way that showed he was listening. “Do you have any idea what’s causing it?”

Anya sighed, nodding. “Yes….but...I’m not sure I should tell you just yet.”

“Why? I mean, I won’t pry, but...I can’t help if you don’t tell me…” He frowned.

“Because...Because I could be wrong about this, and….”

“And what? You’re afraid of being wrong? We all make mistakes sometimes, princess…”

“Glebka…” Anya said, blushing a little at the nickname. She was almost certain at this point. She  _ had  _ to tell him, even if she’s wrong (and she was pretty sure she wasn’t), she just couldn’t keep secrets anymore. “Glebka, I think…….” she paused. She didn’t  _ think _ it at this point, she knew it as a fact. “Not I think, I  _ know _ …...Glebka, I’m pregnant.” She finally spit out.

For a moment, Gleb froze, not knowing how to react. “How long have you known?” he sighed.

“I first suspected it about a month ago...But I wasn’t certain of it until now.”

“Still, you should’ve told me…” 

“I know,” she sighed, nodding. “I didn’t want to worry you, I didn’t know how you were going to react and I….I didn’t want to be wrong.”

Gleb said nothing, simply staring at her with his beautiful, enigmatic dark eyes. He wasn’t sure he knew how to react himself. The thought made him feel happy and sad and scared and angry at the same time. Angry with  _ himself,  _ not with her.  _ He could never be angry with her…. _

“Glebka, I’m so sorry,” Anya sighed, tears rolling down her perfect cheeks.

Gleb reached over to wipe the tears from her face gently. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

  
Anya said nothing, but smiled at him. And for the first time in a while, it was  _ genuine. _

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys i'm back and i've fallen into anastasia hell again, so i had to write another glenya fic bc i got inspired and i love them. not sure how often it'll be updated but i will try to actually finish it this time!
> 
> won't be the only fic you'll get from me soon bc i have so many ideas and so much time on my hands during quarantine


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